Aside from the 90° weather, today has been pretty uneventful. My computer is down, so instead of cleaning my apartment, I figured I’d post to my blog.
I’m posting utilizing my laptop, which is an older, slower but still reliable system running Windows Vista which works well enough to browse the web and post to my blog, but not so well that it can play games, do CAD, calculate the answer to the question of Life, the Universe and Everything… However, it works, and that makes it worth having.
Most of my readers (what, are there more than two now?) will likely know that I am not a Summer person. I don’t like hot weather, both because it sucks the life out of me like a vampire that just ate a whole bag of salt and vinegar potato chips and because in excessive heat, I sweat till I’m so dehydrated, I feel like a vampire that just ate an entire bag of salt and vinegar potato chips. In short, if you’re a vampire, avoid salt and vinegar potato chips.
Autumn is my favorite season both because it is cool and colorful and because it rhymes with “bottom” which tends to describe my role in my sexual escapades. At least the ones which don’t involve goats, cheese graters and pool noodles. Also, autumn is the time of year in which we celebrate Halloween, when we dress up in costumes, and I can blend in despite wearing SCUBA gear and an LED peacock hat that makes “gobble gobble” noises.
I also like winter, though to be honest, we’ve had some pretty mild winters in the past few years. A couple of rough ones, but nothing like what they occasionally get up in northern Westeros. Those winters are bad-ass. If Westeros had New Hampshire-like seasons, spring and fall would be pretty nice and all summer long, the Kingsroad would be nothing but hazard cones from Winterfell to King’s Landing.
Then again, there’s two nice things about summer. One, ice cream. True, you can have ice cream in the winter, but it’s just not quite as nice. There’s really nothing like an ice cream zweihander four feet high and dripping sprinkles. Also, swimming, canoeing and water-based recreation. This would probably include golf since the only real golf gear I use are a 9-iron, a sand wedge and a snorkel, and since I spend at least 80% of my time in a water hazard spear-fishing for my ball, I call golf a water sport. I’d have a putter too, but I’ve never gotten close enough to the green to use one. At one point, I actually sank a golf ball, and was pleased with myself until I was told that open manholes are not valid targets.
I guess I’m just not much of a sports fan. Even the World Cup has failed to get me excited, not just because I’m American, but because any sport which doesn’t involve night-vision goggles, flash-bang grenades and razor-wire fencing doesn’t really interest me.
And don’t get me started on curling. That sport desperately needs more WWII ordnance, strobe lights and a sudden-death timer that automatically starts lobbing napalm at the contestants. And an announcer that sounds like a lounge singer that’s on meth. Then I’d watch curling. Wouldn’t play though. Too dangerous.
Anyway, that’s all I can think to say for the time being. I’m going to grab a sandwich and glass of ice water, and maybe throw in a DVD…
